It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
