My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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