I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
