overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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