Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
