Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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