I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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