Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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