after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
