i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
