Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
