so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
