I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
