im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You ate ashes out of my bong
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize