Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
