don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
is that a dick in a sweater?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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