its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
