NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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