walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
