I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
