You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry about my life...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
