My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
