drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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