New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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