I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
