last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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