I've blown a few things in my day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think people are normalizing furries
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
