That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
