i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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