ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
