Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
