the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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