I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
