Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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