Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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