i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
