Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
