I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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