I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
