did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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