you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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