Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
