he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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