i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
