oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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