you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
