THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
