dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
