YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
