If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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