Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
