i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
