i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
