I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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