you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
