My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
