Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
