She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
