being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
