is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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