Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
