my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
People in love make me want to vomit
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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