so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
