Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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