just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
