just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
