Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
