Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
