Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
