So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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