I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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