I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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