i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
