Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
