Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
actually, I'm a sock model
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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